My opinion means nothing

My first piece of advice is to disregard anything I say from now on. Ignore it, forget about it, explain it away, chalk it up to a fragment of under-done potato, pretend it didn't happen, figure out some way of making it go away. It's going to be boring and stupid, innacurate, poorly spelled, sweat-stained and it's going to leave something green stuck right between your front teeth to embarass you at parties and stop you from getting to first base with that cute honey over there in the heels.

I don't have anything original to say, nor will I say it very well. I am a clumsy speaker and an uninspired writer. The only things I am worse at are dancing and doing as I'm told, so nothing good will come from your hanging around here and picking up my bad habits. Find a nice group of people who say things that make you comfortable. Go to a church or a political party office and volunteer. Go take a few credits at some college or university. Do something enjoyable with your time, don't waste the few infinitesimal moments of existance you have goofing off around here with me; it's the equivalent of smoking behind the gym. I don't have a real job, I don't vote, I drink whisky, and I use bad language. What the hell kind of future could I possibly expect? What possible good could you expect to come from hanging around me? None, I tell you now. Zip. So adios, and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

You still here? Shit man, some people just can't take a hint. Look, this isn't going to be fun, any more than learning that there was no such thing as Santa was fun. Remember how you felt when you found out? You want to relieve that? Shit I sure don't. I didn't enjoy it the first or subsequent times that kind of revelation happened to me. Having your worldview challenged is one thing. Having to cannibalistically eat it alive yourself is something else.

That is the sort of godamn party you are crashing here. Don't RSVP, just go instead to one of those nice people's get-togethers where everybody stands in a circle and congratulates each other raw for having the good sense to be part of that particular circle. And they have a pleassant, conforming explanation for everything. It might be right wing conspiracies, or God's will, or alien abductions, but everyone will nod their heads in supportive affirmation. I'm here to tell you, you can't make a circle with an individual, and that's all I have to offer: Just Me. Kumbaya, assholes. The fact that you're just you, and maybe we're both outside that vigorously-rubbing nice folk circle over there, is why I even bother.

And I make no apologies for being so rude. I simply don't respect most people. And I am so exceptionally disgusted with a percentage of that majority that I'd like to see them on the moon, sans NASA gear. This group includes anyone who would consider voting Democrat under any circumstances, most people who vote Republican, and in fact, voters, period.

I don't like conformists, especially the ones that pretend to not conform. Whether they be "artists" living off their parents or government grants, "outsider public servants", anti-WTO "anarchists", or ACT UP shock trooper insecurity posers. It's just too damned easy to be part of a true-believer mob with nothing but feelings, passion, and bullshit to buck up your convictions. I can't stand lying, and lying to yourself about who you are and why you are motivated to do something is about the most repulsive thing I have experienced. And it leads to the harder stuff: Lying to family, lying to friends, collegues, acquaintences, and concentric circles outward until you lie to the whole fucking world, and you don't even know it. And that ends up in genocide. So know thyself, or fuck right off post haste. Again, my warning about the door and your ass.

I also don't like quiet people. They scare me. I've yet to hear an evening news report where the guy with the fridge full of human eyes is described as a "loud and gregarious neighbor". So I'm more comfortable in the company of a street preacher than a monk, and I have a lot more respect for the loud nuts than the quiet ones, even if their deductive reasoning powers are those of a bug. I think the First Amendment to the Constitution probably had people like me in mind: If you muzzle them, they'll eventually break the bonds and eat your baby. Let 'em bark their heads off so normal people can just walk by and be annoyed at the howling nutcase and let their kids throw fruit at 'em.

Are you still here? All right, but I warned you. Grab something to drink. I recommend scotch.
Or two scotches. Or both.